As writers, we all need time to de-stress and relax. In this sense, Onions News is like a guilty pleasure for me. Consistently hilarious, the fake news show’s video features have more than once made my day a little better. Though almost every story is excellent, below I have listed some of my favourites. More often than not there’s real satiric bite behind the jokes, and nowhere better is that illustrated than in the examples below:

5.      Disney Geneticists Debut New Child Stars

We’ve all had that (overbearingly strong) feeling, that today’s pop music is all the same (crap). And that, all Disney kid’s shows are copies of one another. And now, we have no reason to doubt our refined inner critic.

4.      Hollow Point Bullets Recalled That Don’t Explode In Targets

Imagine a horrible world in which bullets don’t call people. Wars would be pointless, and we would all have to find other means to settle our disputes. I shudder at the thought. Thankfully, said useless bullets are quickly being replaced by even better alternatives: bullets that set the organs of the victim on fire. That’s better!

3.      FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly Cheerful

Don’t you just hate those people who never let the life’s hard moments get to them? Whose faces seem stuck in permanent grins and who, probably, dream of rainbows while you dream of being chased by zombies towards the edge of a bottomless cliff? Thankfully, there’s a cure and this news story has the answers you need to kill that annoying laughter of the guy behind you.

2.      DNA Evidence Frees Black Man Convicted Of Bear Attack

Imagine the surprise when a judge acquitted one black man who was sentenced to life in jail after allegedly mauling his victim. Thankfully, DNA evidence has allowed just such a controversial move when it found that a bear was actually responsible for the attack that left several bear-like traces behind.

1.      ‘9/11 Conspiracy Theories Ridiculous’ – Al Qaeda

We’ve all had our suspicions: either it was the aliens or it was the Bush government. And now, after listening to this esteemed Al Qaeda operative, we can all finally leave the issue behind. It wasn’t the aliens after all, and it most definitely wasn’t Saddam.

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